Testing Adult Authority

Toddlers test adult authority during the twos stage

and in the teenage years too...

 It can be trying on a parent when a toddler utters, "I hate you!" while tears stream down her face when she can't get what she wants.

It  hurts, because they are such powerful words!

  After all, you only wanted to help her take the snowsuit off.

Toddlers learn early words that work and use them to control their world. They are smarter than you think!  Just like your teenager...
Remember when...
They want to be independent and they want things, NOW!

Your Teenager is no different at testing your authority!

And...No easier to be controlled.
Children learn early from TV, friends and family what works and use it to exert control over their world.

They're angry because they want to hangout with their friends until midnight.

He asked to stay out tonight, I suspected that he was hanging around kids that play around with drugs and alcohol.
I told him to be in by 10'oclock and stay away from the bad stuff. 
He's only 14! 

He said...

"I'm not listening to you, shut-up...

I can do what I want!

Teenagers want to be grown up, but they have to take responsibility for what they say!

'After all you only want him to be safe.'

If they say hurtful words to You they have to be held accountable!

Don't go over excuses in your head why this is happening...

 It is happening!

Nip this habit now, it's never too late.

• Tell your child it is disrespectful and hurtful behavior.
• Give him the consequences if he does it again 
• Leave the room.
• Talk to him after he cools down.
• Do not attempt to explain the whats, whys and so on and so on...
• Look into his eyes, firmly and kindly say... 

"Disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated in our home and I need it to stop now. 

If it doesn't stop, there will be consequences for this behavior."

A little Reminder... 

It is hard at first for both parties, but this is exactly the time your child is testing you, just like when he was a toddler...
Don't let his age and size break you down.
Always gesture or say you love your teenager when things cool down.

Consequences 

• Make a list right now, of consequences you can give your child on a moments notice when he tests your adult authority and limits.
• It's always good to give a consequence that goes with the behavior, but sometimes just taking away something for a couple of hours until she has apologized is all you need. 
• Make two columns, one for light behavior consequences and one for heavy behavior consequences.
• More on Consequences coming soon!

Peer Pressure and Drugs Teenagers

As soon as your kids leave the house in the morning you don't know what they will get into.

I wonder to myself, "Where did I go wrong?" I feel like I've given him every thing a mother could give...I feel as though I've failed.

This often can feel deeply personal, but has no bearing on you at all.
Kids embark on drugs from many reasons.

The number one reason they start drugs is because of  peer pressure,  kids don't want to be singled out.  

They're not thinking about you and how you feel, they're thinking about how they fit in.

The only one that shares your teenager's feelings and understands what they are going through is their friends.

You can say you understand, but they don't hear you or believe you.

Friends rule right now! 

 What can you do about this?

Don't react to the unbelievable.

Meaning if you've just found out your teenager or child has been using drugs or alcohol.

• Hold back and listen to how it happened.

Don't give out the consequences quite yet, because you really want to think about what to do.

• Hold back from punishments and think about what your child needs to learn.

Talk about fact that they may be curious about drugs and alcohol and you will not allow this kind of behavior.

• Hold back and just state, "You have abused your freedom, so you will have to make this up to me."  Write me note and explain what you should of done instead."
• Tell him that he has crossed the line on the limits set in this household.  Caution! Too much opposition is something you do not want, so both parties should turn away and cool down if things get heated.  
•  It's good to let him know what  the consequences are if this happens again. An example of a consequence: Take away two days of freedom with friends.

Toddlers run towards the road when they play.

They know there are rules not to go on the road, but they get so involved with playing and they forget.

• So...You set up boundaries, because the consequences could be deadly. 

You build a fence and keep on talking to your child about how dangerous the road is.

• They learn and the fence gate gets left open...Your toddler doesn't leave those boundaries, because you have educated him well.

Do the same for your teenager and educate.
Let him know the boundaries and what happens if he crosses them, so he won't be surprised.
Your teenager has no fence, but will remember what he has learned.