How to Listen to Your Teen Talking

Trying to talk to parent...

Parents can sometimes be very difficult to connect with when you want to communicate feelings...

I can be busy doing something and my teen will come up to me in the middle of  my busyness and nonchalantly spit out words... Words that are really worth listening to.(I'm used to listening and doing, because I've been multitasking like mothers do forever and listening to and answering the millions of questions since he started to talk!)

You may fluff them off - this has become a habit!

Answering questions like...

"Ah hmmm, oh ya, that's right..."

"What was that? Oh really!"                                 While your really busy doing.........

"We'll see about that later..."

It's time for Change....Your Child is now a teen and has some pretty important stuff to stay.

You need to know how to listen to your teen talking!
Because later never comes...

You've closed the door on communication!
Oh no, it could have been something about being bullied, sex, drugs and whatever...
You missed that chance to give your child valuable advice!

It isn't too late......

Sit somewhere quiet and stop the busy for 15 minutes...
Sit somewhere beside your child for another 15 minutes and wait until your child talks.
He or she will probably start talking.
Just remember never to disregard your teenagers conversations as nothing!
You do not want to miss the boat on giving your teenager the attention he needs.
The attention about... sex, or drugs or being bullied.

These subjects are too hard to think about for your teen let alone to talk about them.

Go now and just sit and listen...




How to listen to your teen talking, requires you to be receptive to your teen and to drop everything you are doing. If you are doing something really important like talking on the phone or saving your dinner from burning...

Tell your teen, but first be receptive!

"I hear you, let me take 1 minute to finish what I am doing and we can talk."

I can't stress enough how much you need to say the minutes or you might just lose what your teen wanted to say...

If your teen says, "Forget it..."

Turn you head and look into your teens eyes...

" I want to listen to you, I hear you, you're important to me!"

"I am talking to the insurance company and will be able to talk in 5 minutes."

Reflect kindness, but be firm...
You want your teen to take you seriously and show that you have respect!

Toddler Times...
You remember back when he was a toddler and interrupted every phone call...
Eventually he got it the hint and understood that sometimes the phone is important...

He always knew I loved him and he knew I'd do my best to get back to him!

"Just a second sweety, Daddy will be off the phone after he tells the man about the broken vacuum."

Your little guy always knew you loved him...

Always remember to reflect back to your child,

"I'm sorry, I know it's hard to wait...Now lets do what we need to do."

Teenagers are like toddlers going through the terrible twos all over again...

Although, manners have fallen into the gutter and it's all about them.

It can be unnerving...

Choose to be kind and remember how you were when they were impatient toddlers.
Remember to say you love them, when your busy and that they are always important to you.

Peer Pressure and Drugs Teenagers

As soon as your kids leave the house in the morning you don't know what they will get into.

I wonder to myself, "Where did I go wrong?" I feel like I've given him every thing a mother could give...I feel as though I've failed.

This often can feel deeply personal, but has no bearing on you at all.
Kids embark on drugs from many reasons.

The number one reason they start drugs is because of  peer pressure,  kids don't want to be singled out.  

They're not thinking about you and how you feel, they're thinking about how they fit in.

The only one that shares your teenager's feelings and understands what they are going through is their friends.

You can say you understand, but they don't hear you or believe you.

Friends rule right now! 

 What can you do about this?

Don't react to the unbelievable.

Meaning if you've just found out your teenager or child has been using drugs or alcohol.

• Hold back and listen to how it happened.

Don't give out the consequences quite yet, because you really want to think about what to do.

• Hold back from punishments and think about what your child needs to learn.

Talk about fact that they may be curious about drugs and alcohol and you will not allow this kind of behavior.

• Hold back and just state, "You have abused your freedom, so you will have to make this up to me."  Write me note and explain what you should of done instead."
• Tell him that he has crossed the line on the limits set in this household.  Caution! Too much opposition is something you do not want, so both parties should turn away and cool down if things get heated.  
•  It's good to let him know what  the consequences are if this happens again. An example of a consequence: Take away two days of freedom with friends.

Toddlers run towards the road when they play.

They know there are rules not to go on the road, but they get so involved with playing and they forget.

• So...You set up boundaries, because the consequences could be deadly. 

You build a fence and keep on talking to your child about how dangerous the road is.

• They learn and the fence gate gets left open...Your toddler doesn't leave those boundaries, because you have educated him well.

Do the same for your teenager and educate.
Let him know the boundaries and what happens if he crosses them, so he won't be surprised.
Your teenager has no fence, but will remember what he has learned.