How do you get your teen to wake up?

While waking up your teen can be tough!

I should just lie back and have a mommy moment for 45 minutes...

Mind you it isn't easy after helping him for the last fifteen years...

It's like a drum roll...Is he gonna get up, make his breakfast, get dressed, get his books together, brush hair and teeth and make it for the bus?

Then in a great surprise I hear, "Bye Mom!" 

He's gone and done it all by himself, he did it!

Just days ago it wasn't this easy...

I found myself going to his room 3 to 5 times until he actually crawled out of bed and got ready for school.

It became that I was driving him to school instead of him taking the bus.

This insanity had to stop!

I was getting annoyed and cranky. I needed my happy mornings back!

 (Me) Tips!
 How do you get your teen to wake up?

• Help him with an alarm clock, have him set it up the night before.
• Tell your teen if she forgets to set the alarm and she's late the consequence will be--- She will be late. putting this into words, might actually make her feel accountable already.
• If she is still late, practice alarm clock setting on weekends and have her do the early morning getting up for school routine. This is done without your help...So sleep in!
• This would entail her to get up with the alarm and get dressed and ready as if she is going to school.
• Repeat if necessary the next weekend, even if there is one morning late! 

If you are still are having troubles...

Maybe your teen absolutely sleeps through the alarm
Fights with you 
Is just plain slow...

• follow through on weekends with the alarm clock plan and don't allow your teen out evenings until he can actually get this right.
• change bed time to half hour earlier. Maybe she really isn't getting enough sleep!
•  don't get up in the morning until after the last child is on the bus.

A after all is said and done, I promise you your teen will make sure the alarm is set...

You know...

• teens have to learn responsibility!
• trying something new with your teen can be hard, expect there to be some late days to start.
• to be firm, but kind let them know you don't want them to be late, but you won't be waking them up anymore.
• teens like to test you just like when they were toddlers, soon they will learn that responsibility lies on themselves and not you.

Toddler Times

If we did all the walking for our capable toddlers years ago, we would be carry our teens around.
Using wheel chairs or any other apparatus!
Trust and have faith even though it may seem like it will never happen...It will.
Most of all love your teen, because they need your guidance and love more than ever now!

Testing Adult Authority

Toddlers test adult authority during the twos stage

and in the teenage years too...

 It can be trying on a parent when a toddler utters, "I hate you!" while tears stream down her face when she can't get what she wants.

It  hurts, because they are such powerful words!

  After all, you only wanted to help her take the snowsuit off.

Toddlers learn early words that work and use them to control their world. They are smarter than you think!  Just like your teenager...
Remember when...
They want to be independent and they want things, NOW!

Your Teenager is no different at testing your authority!

And...No easier to be controlled.
Children learn early from TV, friends and family what works and use it to exert control over their world.

They're angry because they want to hangout with their friends until midnight.

He asked to stay out tonight, I suspected that he was hanging around kids that play around with drugs and alcohol.
I told him to be in by 10'oclock and stay away from the bad stuff. 
He's only 14! 

He said...

"I'm not listening to you, shut-up...

I can do what I want!

Teenagers want to be grown up, but they have to take responsibility for what they say!

'After all you only want him to be safe.'

If they say hurtful words to You they have to be held accountable!

Don't go over excuses in your head why this is happening...

 It is happening!

Nip this habit now, it's never too late.

• Tell your child it is disrespectful and hurtful behavior.
• Give him the consequences if he does it again 
• Leave the room.
• Talk to him after he cools down.
• Do not attempt to explain the whats, whys and so on and so on...
• Look into his eyes, firmly and kindly say... 

"Disrespectful behavior will not be tolerated in our home and I need it to stop now. 

If it doesn't stop, there will be consequences for this behavior."

A little Reminder... 

It is hard at first for both parties, but this is exactly the time your child is testing you, just like when he was a toddler...
Don't let his age and size break you down.
Always gesture or say you love your teenager when things cool down.

Consequences 

• Make a list right now, of consequences you can give your child on a moments notice when he tests your adult authority and limits.
• It's always good to give a consequence that goes with the behavior, but sometimes just taking away something for a couple of hours until she has apologized is all you need. 
• Make two columns, one for light behavior consequences and one for heavy behavior consequences.
• More on Consequences coming soon!

How to Listen to Your Teen Talking

Trying to talk to parent...

Parents can sometimes be very difficult to connect with when you want to communicate feelings...

I can be busy doing something and my teen will come up to me in the middle of  my busyness and nonchalantly spit out words... Words that are really worth listening to.(I'm used to listening and doing, because I've been multitasking like mothers do forever and listening to and answering the millions of questions since he started to talk!)

You may fluff them off - this has become a habit!

Answering questions like...

"Ah hmmm, oh ya, that's right..."

"What was that? Oh really!"                                 While your really busy doing.........

"We'll see about that later..."

It's time for Change....Your Child is now a teen and has some pretty important stuff to stay.

You need to know how to listen to your teen talking!
Because later never comes...

You've closed the door on communication!
Oh no, it could have been something about being bullied, sex, drugs and whatever...
You missed that chance to give your child valuable advice!

It isn't too late......

Sit somewhere quiet and stop the busy for 15 minutes...
Sit somewhere beside your child for another 15 minutes and wait until your child talks.
He or she will probably start talking.
Just remember never to disregard your teenagers conversations as nothing!
You do not want to miss the boat on giving your teenager the attention he needs.
The attention about... sex, or drugs or being bullied.

These subjects are too hard to think about for your teen let alone to talk about them.

Go now and just sit and listen...




How to listen to your teen talking, requires you to be receptive to your teen and to drop everything you are doing. If you are doing something really important like talking on the phone or saving your dinner from burning...

Tell your teen, but first be receptive!

"I hear you, let me take 1 minute to finish what I am doing and we can talk."

I can't stress enough how much you need to say the minutes or you might just lose what your teen wanted to say...

If your teen says, "Forget it..."

Turn you head and look into your teens eyes...

" I want to listen to you, I hear you, you're important to me!"

"I am talking to the insurance company and will be able to talk in 5 minutes."

Reflect kindness, but be firm...
You want your teen to take you seriously and show that you have respect!

Toddler Times...
You remember back when he was a toddler and interrupted every phone call...
Eventually he got it the hint and understood that sometimes the phone is important...

He always knew I loved him and he knew I'd do my best to get back to him!

"Just a second sweety, Daddy will be off the phone after he tells the man about the broken vacuum."

Your little guy always knew you loved him...

Always remember to reflect back to your child,

"I'm sorry, I know it's hard to wait...Now lets do what we need to do."

Teenagers are like toddlers going through the terrible twos all over again...

Although, manners have fallen into the gutter and it's all about them.

It can be unnerving...

Choose to be kind and remember how you were when they were impatient toddlers.
Remember to say you love them, when your busy and that they are always important to you.

Peer Pressure and Drugs Teenagers

As soon as your kids leave the house in the morning you don't know what they will get into.

I wonder to myself, "Where did I go wrong?" I feel like I've given him every thing a mother could give...I feel as though I've failed.

This often can feel deeply personal, but has no bearing on you at all.
Kids embark on drugs from many reasons.

The number one reason they start drugs is because of  peer pressure,  kids don't want to be singled out.  

They're not thinking about you and how you feel, they're thinking about how they fit in.

The only one that shares your teenager's feelings and understands what they are going through is their friends.

You can say you understand, but they don't hear you or believe you.

Friends rule right now! 

 What can you do about this?

Don't react to the unbelievable.

Meaning if you've just found out your teenager or child has been using drugs or alcohol.

• Hold back and listen to how it happened.

Don't give out the consequences quite yet, because you really want to think about what to do.

• Hold back from punishments and think about what your child needs to learn.

Talk about fact that they may be curious about drugs and alcohol and you will not allow this kind of behavior.

• Hold back and just state, "You have abused your freedom, so you will have to make this up to me."  Write me note and explain what you should of done instead."
• Tell him that he has crossed the line on the limits set in this household.  Caution! Too much opposition is something you do not want, so both parties should turn away and cool down if things get heated.  
•  It's good to let him know what  the consequences are if this happens again. An example of a consequence: Take away two days of freedom with friends.

Toddlers run towards the road when they play.

They know there are rules not to go on the road, but they get so involved with playing and they forget.

• So...You set up boundaries, because the consequences could be deadly. 

You build a fence and keep on talking to your child about how dangerous the road is.

• They learn and the fence gate gets left open...Your toddler doesn't leave those boundaries, because you have educated him well.

Do the same for your teenager and educate.
Let him know the boundaries and what happens if he crosses them, so he won't be surprised.
Your teenager has no fence, but will remember what he has learned.

Why Teenager's Struggle

Teenager's struggle because of:

• shyness
• peer pressure
• depression
• schoolwork pressures
• friends
• their looks
• overweight
• underweight
• not good enough in sports

He spends so much time alone in his room I just wonder sometimes if he is depressed...

Why Teenagers Struggle

It's just marijuana,what's the big deal?

Teens and Marijuana Use

Marijuana is the most  common drug going around schools today.

My son says...

"It's marijuana, what's the big deal?"

"It's the safest drug out there!"

Drugs like marijuana spread like a disease through schools just waiting to gulp up the next teen who turns down the inside please... "Don't do it!"

Then there is the start... 
The beginnings of a mixed up life and ruining earlier chances of the good life. 

• Decent marks in school
• True friends
• inner discipline
• moral respect
• respect

Of course he would never care about the good life now...

He thinks the kicks he gets from marijuana is as good as it gets. 
Nothing else is more safe and takes you to the planet X.

From a parents point of view, nothing is more worse than having your child spend the most precious years on planet X.

Experimenting is one thing....What was he thinking when he said his first "Yes" to drugs?

How do I stop the insanity?

Schools, parents, media, doctors all preach about the dangers of drugs.

Mostly the dangers of addiction.

My teen say..."It's just marijuana, what's the bid deal?

It my big deal now dealing with your outburst, opposition and defiant behaviour.

It's a big deal that there are still two other children much younger than yourself that are being exposed to behavior that is out of the norm and drug paraphernalia being left for them to see.

It's a big deal because our nice little family is now a drug family.

A family that everyday is confronted with this defiance.

Everyday.

I thought that you were suppose to remember to say, "No!" to avoid this mess that the whole family is in.

I thought you would do that...I thought you loved yourself enough to give it a try instead of drugs.

Now look at you...I don't even know you.

All I know is that you seem madder, sadder, and your life that was really good is slowly falling off a cliff that seems unreachable.

All I know is I miss the real you, even though you constantly tell me this is the real you.

Question is...If this is the real you, how come anger and sad has overtaken you?

I remember when you used to laugh at yourself for the silly things you did in life.

Now somebody else is laughing now.

That somebody is your drug problem to marijuana.

Why didn't you just say, "No!"

Dealing with Peer Pressure and Puberty

Life is tough!

You really don't remember do you?

Dealing with your own peer pressure and puberty and trying to find who you were on the inside-out, with a zoo of people outside telling you how to be...

He told me I was ugly today!

It can be very daunting for a teenager to say the least.

You're wondering who your child is...
You're child  is trying hard to figure this out.

{Somehow telling me I was ugly today was how he had to figure  things out! I never thought I would hear those words from him! he used to play with my nose when he was 2 and tell me how much I was a 'pretty Mommy' I'd fall asleep with his music in my ears...

Almost brought me to tears today...I want my 2 year old back!}

That teenage adolescent body is feeling insecure...Remember? 
Figuring out who your teen is...is remembering what is going on the inside.
Your teen is saying inside himself...

I'm not good enough

I'm too shy

Too short

Too fat

Too skinny

Too ugly

Not cool

Not smart enough

And as you watch your bumbling teenager walk by with his friends, pants pulled down low, you keep on thinking to yourself.  "He's not my child, he's not my sweet little Booboo anymore!"

 Your teen who once was a good example and felt good enough, decided the "good example thing" isn't good enough for right now.

That bouncing baby girl or boy has moved to another stage and body.

She's decided that she needs to look out for herself.

Saggy pants, tight jeans or too much makeup.
Your teen will figure it out.

Tomorrow will be yet another story of... too much of this and too much of that...

As far as I know there aren't too many grown ups with saggy pants and underwear peaking out the backside.

Next time your not happy with the way your teen looks, unless your going to a wedding or formal...

Zip up the comments and tell him how it really is.

It really is---just-that...I love you!

It really is...